Boston weekend recap, 11/5/10

Just wanted to record a few thoughts since it's already been one week since Boston and I don't want to forget anything. I really had a great time, met a lot of LLB'ers I hadn't met and finally met Dan, who was a really great guy but convinced me to do a few things that slightly lessened the fun of the weekend.

I arrived on Friday morning after a chilly ride to Midway and a decent flight. Dan met me at the airport which was strangely desolate (compared to the chaos of Midway & Ohare), welcomed me with a hug (which was awkward) and we left. We headed back to his place for me to drop my stuff and then headed out to the famous Embassador (indian) place for lunch. Had a fantastic (and cheap) lunch then we went back to his place for preparation for the day. My biggest regret of the weekend (albeit a small one) was leaving my camera in his car...I didn't realize we were taking the subway into the city and my bag was in his car. He offered to go back but we were already several blocks away so I declined, but in retrospect we wouldn't be back to his place for nearly a day, so I obviously should have. I lost a lot of picture opportunities.

We traversed the city in the afternoon with an insanely long walk. Dan later posited that we had walked about 10 miles. I believe it. It was long. But hey it was walking, and I wanted to see the city and we did. That's where the camera thing came in I guess. So we were out and about all afternoon then met up with the LLB'ers at the hotel around 5 or 6. Cliff brought me an 1/8th of weed which was insanely nice. He was fucking awesome. Also met northnstg (Eric), Melanie again, Tim & wife (buck), cardinal, HARRY, t0k, etc. It was awesome. We listened to Black Sabbath, ate from the huge spread Cliff had brought and smoked tons of weed. The hotel management came up and warned us of our loud and smoke filled party...so we left and walked to the venue. It was a great walk too- it was finally night, Boston was beautiful and it gave a chance to chat more with the guys. Got to the Cantina that Harry had been talking about so much and met Solly and WWBD/hubby there. Was cool then we headed to the show. Liked the venue, Dan was a bit tired/stoned/withdrawn and I spent the show at the back with him. But really I should have been up there with Max and the guys, that was really the only other (minor) regret I had about the weekend. Afterward we went over to this pizza place, T Anthonys, and had some shitty pizza. I ordered a clam chowdah having wanted to get some seafood in my visit, and I'm pretty sure it was Cambells chunky, being a fan. t0k and i split a turkey sub, I had a slice and we sat there drunkenly ogling high school girls. Headed back to the hotel and stayed up until 4 drinking whiskey, smoking more pot and just talking.

The next morning we found out Cliff had been assessed a 150$ smoking fee...We did the Simpsons/Moe's bar thing of pushing the button and having the bar do a 360. Meaning we cleaned up all the beer cans and shit that had been sitting there all night in preparation for a hotel staff walk-thru. It was successful as they dropped the charge and we all shared some high fives. The people that had stayed all checked out and we headed to some dive for breakfast. I had the infamous "Ultimate Omelet" which was just gross. Pictures have documented that. Sadly most of the peeps left at that point leaving Dan, t0k, Max, and I to do some record shopping. We went to a few places then t0k had to head back and Max too so we split up mid afternoon. Dan and I headed home to shower, clean up and feed his cats. We headed back into the city to go to the famous Regina's pizza and then tried to go to the Boston Bruins hockey game at the Garden but the only seats we could find were 111$ so we split, got a 6'er and a bottle of Hen dog at the packie then headed back to watch the game at his place and get some sleep.

Sunday was kind of a dull day but in retrospect we had really gone balls out on Friday and Saturday. We just kinda hung out and listened to records in the morning, then headed to Harvard Square and I went to the other Newbury comics and a few other places. We stopped at some joint to have a burrito and that was about it, it was time to head home.

Overall I had a great time. the LLB'ers really are good people and I hope we get together again soon, even if it's ATP lol

Anniversary weekend recap

This weekend was my (former) wedding anniversary. Friday Steph and I went to Raffi's on 5th in Naperville where I dropped a hundo on a decidedly average meal. It was not the worst time ever but not the best either- a bit awkward. Saturday I helped her move into her new apartment with the new guy, Chris. This was decidedly much more awkward. I did most of the work while these 2 guys sat back and smoked cigarettes. Then I had to watch her jumping up and down and being jubilant about the new apartment and this new start...while it didn't really seem like he was. But that's just my impression. My body is still pretty sore from it, but my head and heart are much more hurt. Why is it that it's been a year and a half since my divorce and yet I'm still crying every day about it. When will it end.

State of the union address

So it's Friday afternoon on a Labor day weekend. I'm going out with Christina tonight to some concert but aside from that my weekend is very much open and free. It's gorgeous weather out so I'm contemplating a number of activities: there will be baseball on for sure. My movie I need to watch. I want to go to Whole Foods and get a nice steak and cookout one day. I'd like to have a fire. Get some stuff done around the house. So despite having to hang with Christina tonight- which I still think will be fun in any case- it should be fun.

Now then, as far as relationships go. Currently, I'm gaging how dumping Christina is going to go. I sense it could be messy. My plan is to go out tonight then draft a nice email sometime over the weekend explaining things. Or, if I'm feeling extra bold I'll get rid of her tonight. I think she's nice and friendly enough...but I don't think we have enough in common for a true long term relationship and while our relationship is "supposed" to be casual and just hanging out every now and then, I have the strong feeling she doesn't feel the same way. It's been about a month now since our first date, so I don't want to drag it out much longer.

Stephanie....I haven't spoken to Stephanie since Monday morning, the day after our bad Sunday. This situation continues to depress me day after day...I guess if I found some way to reconcile everything, some way to make myself feel better about it I'd be living a much better life. But I think even if I knew Stephanie was 100% happy with herself and her life, I'd still be miserable. I really really struggle communicating with her. I want to tell her all these things...I know the ship has sailed, etc....the dogs are just one part of it too. Today is Friday and marks the 1 month anniversary now of the spat w/ her over Christina coming over. I can't believe it's been 1 entire month already. And in that one month I've seen my dogs exactly once, for about 4 hours total. All this over me not telling her some girl was coming over to the house. On one hand, I just want to throw myself at her- do anything she wants- just anything. On the other hand, I still think she's being ridiculous and bitter and still mentioning the Samanta thing from like 6 months ago. I guess I feel if she wants to take care of the dogs forever, have them at her moms house- all that- to punish me or spite me- have at it. Just so you all know- i'm not a victim of course...i lied and i withheld information. But I didn't want to hurt Stephanie at all...I don't want to be dating Christina...if it were up to me I'd be going to the concert with Stephanie and playing a game with Stephanie. It's just gotten to the point where it's consuming me. I'm hoping over the weekend I'll be able to cool off a bit, maybe connect with her and at least get back to where we were.

Missing things

I was just thinking in the past 4 years, I've lost the following:
-my 2 best friends. one to school in another state, the other to the Army
-my brother and his family, to 5 hours away
-my old job and those job friends, in favor of a job with no friends and that is soul crushing and depressing
-my wife
-my dogs

I feel so defeated. I feel like a horrible person and I can't do anything right.

Our Future

I was driving last night around 11pm through some highway construction in which 3 lanes merged into 1. It was some nightly, overnight lane closures that from my experience are not all that uncommon. As sat there in gridlock at 11pm frustrated, I began to think. How many of our roads are under construction right now? It seems like almost everything is now. Our infrastructure is crumbling. Practically all roads are in need of some kind of repair. Even ones that are not really all that old. Our schools are cramming more children into each class as teachers are laid off or forced into early retirement. Bridges are failing. These are not small issues. They are the very basis by which we conduct our lives every day...the roads we travel on, the internet we use to obtain timely information, the people who are grooming our youth for the future. In some ways since my divorce I've been sad I'll likely never have children. It was never a driving force in my life to procreate yet at the same time I admit some sadness about never having someone come from me. But...at the same time I feel like the future is so grim, so void of any hope that bringing children into the world would be almost cruel. You can make the argument that child could become President of the US or cure cancer and that's certainly possible. It's just that when you see everything around you falling down, it doesn't give you much hope.

Dogs, sad

There is really nothing else to be said. Today is the 17th and I haven't seen the dogs since the 6th. I really miss them. A lot. It was absolutely beautiful outside yesterday and instead of taking a walk and going to the dog park I got high and watched Family Guy and ate fast food.

Annoying tweets

I canceled my Twitter account, a few months after canceling my Facebook account. That doesn't mean I still can't stalk other peoples Twitter accounts. And I have to say, the most annoying 'style' of tweet is the one that goes like this:

Dear _______
I hate (or love) _________

Signed,
______ (the tweeter)

STOP IT. Just stop. It's not clever or funny.

Tribute to the snake oil salesman

I have to hand it to Len. See, Len is my co-worker. Here at Dart, there aren't departments and nothing really functions like a "normal" company. So Len does a lot of different things....wears many different hats if you prefer a cliche. As we all do. But Len is best at being Len. And that's being a shyster, a filibuster, a con artist. I mean that with the utmost respect. I've seen Len diffuse a situation where a customer is really pissed off by talking about a fishing trip. Sometimes I sit there and to be honest, it offends my sensibilities. It's an insult to my intelligence. But there he is, plugging away. He does what he does and he's good at it. God bless him

Fatal Attraction (aka women are crazy part 2)

I went out on a date with a girl one week ago yesterday. It was fun. We saw each other again a few days later for a brief dinner. It was fun as well. Friday she came over for pizza and games. That too, was fun. Saturday, however, was weird and is going to force me to take immediate action. We had no plans for Saturday. I was doing my usual Saturday morning cleaning and in the afternoon headed outside to do some yardwork. When I came in and cleaned up, she expressed through text that she was surprised my work took that long. I thought to myself why should she be concerned how long this is taking me, we're not doing anything. But then she offered to come over and "reward me" later. It was cute but boxed me into a corner. Should I say yes, I've had enough of you don't come over and risk ending the relationship? I suppose I should have. But in a mistake I caved and allowed her to come over. After working all day me evening plans were to watch the Sox game and smoke. Making snide comments about both it was clear she wasn't interested in that agenda. Bottom line, seeing someone 4 times in one week is excessive. Before anyone gets the impression things are getting serious, things should be ended

Dog safety

They are walked before I leave for work at 5:30 in the morning. They are walked again for an extended period of time or taken to the dog park after I return home from work. I take good care of my dogs and would never do anything that would remotely bring harm to them. It offends me that my life is attempting to be controlled through them. My ex-wife is insistent that I inform her when "strangers", i.e. dates, are coming over to the house so that she might approve of them meeting the dogs. If this sounds silly to you, that's because it is. Look, the dogs see "strangers" every day at the dog park. They interact with them all the time. I'm curious as to whether she might react the same way if the visitors to the house were male. In any case, the dogs are gone and communication has ceased. It's a terrible situation but I might have to lose the dogs in order to rid myself of her. Let's face it- I'm not running a crack house. I don't have different people over every night. I'm a very responsible pet owner and I take good care of my dogs period.

Bacon and eggs; vodka & diet coke

Yesterday I made some bacon to go along with my eggs...I normally don't make breakfast since I have a slim margin between the time I wake up (5am) and the time I need to leave (5:30am). My bowel movements are regular so that needs to be attended to upon waking up. Then the dogs need to be attended to- walked, fed, let out. That leaves me with barely any time whatsoever to make breakfast. But anyway, yesterday I thought I'd make some breakfast burritos for myself since I had some tortillas...an easy breakfast to eat in the car. Well this bacon- Smithfield brand- was gross. I'm not sure why everything in my fridge is ice cold except this pack of bacon which seems to congeal into one giant glob of fat. I could barely pull apart the slices. I keep telling myself never to buy any brand of bacon except Oscar Meyer yet I still do it. Today, my breakfast is a 44oz diet coke with about a half pint of vodka. Much better

Cooking is hard but admittedly worth it

Yesterday I grilled some steak and had some leftover grilled chicken and grilled veggies from the night before. So I made some quesadillas with the meats and chopped up veggies. And cheese of course. To go with it, I made some guacamole (a small amount just 1 avocado) and a black bean & corn relish. It was all really good. It took me about an hour and a half just to do all of that. Chopping veggies, peeling avocados, lighting the grill, cleaning the grill, grilling the steak, letting it rest, chopping it up, feeding the scraps to the dogs, assembling the quesadillas, cutting them up, etc. All in all you realize for something a fast food Mexican place could produce in 10 minutes take you 90 minutes. But....you know it's fresh. You know it only has as much oil and salt in it as what you put in it yourself. I love to cook and try to cook fresh more often

Change is hard. Fast change is even harder

I'm divorced. Have been for one year this month. It hasn't been easy of course. So how about this weekend when my ex-wife drops this one on me: she's moving in with her boyfriend into a house she's buying. I've never met this individual and at this point not sure I want to, but I'm concerned for her. Divorce is not easy for anyone, not a huge surprise, but I suspect she's moving forward with this relationship not solely because she really cares for this person but for a need to be in a relationship period and a need to feel that things are "progressing". You see, we're both in our early 30's and have no children together. I feel the pressure is on her to bear children or be in a "serious" relationship. She claims she really likes this person and honestly I don't doubt it. I just think exactly 1 year after getting a divorce, one isn't ready to move back in to another serious relationship. And moving in is about as serious as it gets. But perhaps that also speaks to my immaturity, that I've been wallowing in the past and unable to get a date while she is moving in with someone she deeply cares about. So I'm not sure how to feel. I congratulate her for it while being concerned at the same time. I also felt hurt that in her exuberance over the situation she inadvertently hurt me by saying positive things he was providing for her that I could not. I wish them nothing but the best though, if he indeed can love her better than I could great..all I want for her is to be happy

Living for what?

Sure, I'll use the excuse of getting old. Because the older you get the more responsibilities you have. Work, family, home, pets, career, etc. Sometimes I look at envy at younger people who have time to explore the world, to try and make sense of it. To LEARN. I get maybe one week a year to do that, it's called a vacation. Sure, we escape reality in a sense through "everyday" means- TV, movies, even alcohol and drugs. But what about laying in a park reading a book leisurely? Learning a new hobby? Exploring a section of the city, neighborhood or state you live in that is unfamiliar to you? Simply exploring the world. For me and I'm sure many others that's a luxury. I work 10 hours a day. Travel to and from work costs me an additional 1 hour. Caring for my pets, basic chores and cleaning up is another 1 hour or so. I still haven't eaten yet...so I need to cook something or pick up something from a take-out place. Another small piece of time. There are only 24 hours in a day and I'm up to 13 or so. So if I'm to get the recommended 8 hours of sleep I have exactly 3 hours out of my 24 hour day to do something "fun"? My point being that I work to....what? To work more? To be able to afford a house I barely spend any time in? It all seems like a vicious cycle

Chili Fries at Wendys

They sell chili
They sell fries
You could do it yourself....
But why don't they offer chili fries?